Crucial Agony
The laziest goth band in Cleveland
In the late 90's , I was a goth trapped in an office job. While my job title was "graphic artist", I basically did industrial catalog layouts for a company that went defunct a year after I left it for Chicago. I was an artist trapped trying to cope in a stale corporate environment, and this was a byproduct of that.
In truth, this still is among my very favorites of my art/writing/web/mischief projects that I've undertaken. I went so far as to commandeer the laser printer at my job and churn out a bunch of fake fliers for Crucial Agony that I tucked in amongst the legit band fliers at the local club we frequented. Crucial Agony even made a "live appearance" and was interviewed on a local college station thanks to one of our DJ friends. I miss those days.
Crucial Agony is based in lovely Cleveland, known for it's wholesome steel mill smog, vast, rolling plains of seagull-poop-covered asphalt and the murky, green lake to the north. The band formed originally under the name Woeful Existence, but they soon changed it to Crucial Agony when group concensus found the former name to be "too perky." While being one of the most underground groups in the Electro/Goth/Metal/Snivel/Pop genre, this five person band has a loyal and demented following of crazed wannabes and pathetic groupies with no real lives. Crucial Agony is managed by Christabel Malaise--who finds dealing with mere mortals such a waste of time on this plane of existence, and so thusly manages them in spirit. The group's promoter is the illustrious Mistress Mangyflower, who can be contacted for further info on such things as booking, recordings, and overly expensive merchandise.
THEE BANDE MEMBERS
Bhayne (The Hoarse Whisper)
Lyrics, Growling and weeping, custom percussion, programming.
Quote: "Like a dark rose I wither under the weight of a thousand black stars. Like an Angel I die in the spiraling peril of night.
Musical Influences: Vertiginous Catatonia, Freshly Dead, Sisters of Mercy, Deciduous Decay (the older stuff), Anthrax, Michael Bolton.
Favorite Pastime: Weeping bitterly with baleful sobs for those who have no hope of ever being as Goth as me.
NEWS
The band has built a decent sized fanbase in their hometown, and is constantly being booked for shows and Goth festivals. "We strive for infamy." says Bhayne (the Hoarse Whisperer). Just recently, the band was signed to the
Dark Futures label, as they had so hoped and sacrificed goats for. Crucial Agony has gained new fans through their exposure on fine radio stations like WRUW. They hope to branch out in the new millenium and bring a new, hopelessly pathetic edge to Goth music. "We'd like to thank all the little people who bought our CDs at shows. We can afford water with our Ramen noodles now." says Malady. And so, Crucial Agony continues to conquer the scene with their lovable dirges. We wish them well in their dark crusade.
~Mangyflower
Crucial Agony Tour Schedule August 2000
Upcoming Shows
Aug. 16
The Nasty Porkchop,
Y-town, OH
with Optional Breathing
Aug. 18
Club Enema, Pittsburgh , PA
with The Walking Death Ghetto
Aug. 21
A large pot-hole off of
I -271, OH
with The Viking Lesbian Road Crew
Aug. 23
The Rubber Sheep, Wheeling, W.VA
with Sir Lucifer's Goat Choir
Aug. 25
The Virtuous Weasel, Cinci, OH
with Nosefamine, The Dangling Cankerous Limbs, and Spudge
Aug. 26
House of Nothing, Columbus, OH
with the S.O.M. cover band, ASS, and Haggiswipers
Aug. 30
Esther's Quilt-O-Rama and Bondage Haven, Toledo, OH
with STEVE
Aug. 31
Gravehumpers, Detroit, MI
with Spamatrocity, Hula Poop,
Gun Packing Kindergarten Cake-walkers, and Crusssst
Lyrics
Read our sorrows and hearken to the tragic tale they tell...