Coffee House Vampire (part II) - Spampire

I was once a proud vampire.
Stalked the night in search of prey.
Then this heartless Goth girl laughed at me.
So I'm a Spampire now.....OK?!

I wander darkened streets
In late hours of the night
Til I come upon a grocery store
And drop in for a bite.

I ignore the stock boys
And their condescending smirks
As I bear my fangs and hiss
In my attempt to scare the clerks.

Silently approaching
as it sits there on the shelf,
I draw my cape about me
Just to obscure myself.

Then I launch myself at the display
With a loud bloodthirsty cry
And announce to all the potted meat
"Forsooth! It's time to die!!!"

With a loud metallic chomp

I try to sink my teeth right in.
But it's hard when my Hot Topic fangs
Get stuck in the top of the tin.

I wrestle with my victim

And I snarl and bite and grab.

Til a stock boy recommends

It's easier just to pull the tab.

So with a sigh I just give up,
Find another victim instead.
Now I'm stocking up on jello
Cuz it's squishy and it's red.