Cheer Up Hamlet
Such a melancholy Dane
This paper doll, originally published in 2013, was born of a long standing Hamlet obsession that came to pass after the making of a larger mixed media piece of Hamlet as a playing card. The idea of cheering him up by playing dress up only went further by Hamlet becoming a humor project on twitter for a time.
I submit here for your enjoyment, a freebie to download in all its mopey and ridiculous glory. Huzzah!
Denmark was found to be the happiest country in 2012, but The Melancholy Dane never got the memo. Don't let poor Hamlet spend another cold winter moping, cuddling mouldering skulls, and spouting soliloquies by himself. All you need to cheer him up is a printer, cardstock, some scissors and tape! "Cheer Up, Hamlet!"
is a paper doll available for free, for nerds and geeks and Shakespeare fans alike.
The original version of Hamlet started as a drawing then became a cut paper collage, done as a giant playing card. While the piece spawned the idea of eventually doing a full set of Shakespearean playing cards, Hamlet's continuous glowering
and inability to move himself to action begat this paperdoll project. I just couldn't
shake the idea that maybe a pink tutu would me him feel better.
At the very least, I felt better.
He will make you cry uncle.
More Hamlet Humor
A gallery of various wacky things originally done for Hamlet's Twitter account
Painteth it Black
Song Parody of paint it Black by The Rolling Stones
Forsooth a scarlet portal, shouldst be painted black.
Hues banished evermore, I would they turn to black.
Sirrah! The ladies amble past in summer'y clothes.
Mine head doth droop instead 'til my dark thoughts repose.
A line of carriages all done in ebon black.
With flowers and Ophelia ne'er to come back.
The courtiers avert their eyes and glance away.
Like uncles wedding widows, it happens ev'ry day.
Inside this sullen breast observe mine heart so black
Behold my sanguine door, it must needs colored black
Resolve into a dew mayhap and face not these dreadful facts.
Difficulty doth compound when one's domain be black.
Fie, emerald sea shan't be a deeper azure blue.
No augury couldst foretell this befalling you.
Mine eyes affix their gaze upon the downing sun.
Ophelia's grave shall be mine when the morning comes.
Forsooth a scarlet portal, shouldst be painted black.
Hues banished evermore, I would they turn to black.
Sirrah! The ladies amble past in summer'y clothes.
Mine head doth droop instead 'til my dark thoughts repose.
Hmm, hmm, hmm,..
I demand to see it painted, painted black!
Black as pitch, black as coal!
Fie, Fie! I am too much in the sun, blot it out!
I request t'were painted, coated, soaked and draped in black!
'Swounds!
Hmm, hmm, hmm,..
Hamlet
A song parody to the tune of Happy by Pharell Williams
It might seem crazy what I'm about to say
My father's dead, uncle is to blame
Bounded in a nutshell I'm a king of infinite space
Soliloquizing to an empty chair, that is just my way
{Sigh}
[Chorus:]
Because I'm Hamlet
Cry along if you feel like resolving to a dew
Because I'm Hamlet
Mope along if you feel that your father's ghost spoke the truth
Because I'm Hamlet
Sob along if you know a hawk from a handsaw too
Because I'm Hamlet
Sigh along if you feel like vengeance is what you should do
[Verse 2:]
Here comes a fishmonger talking this and that, bleh,
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern they just came back, heh,
Well, I should probably warn you that I'm not fine, yeah,
Antic disposition, now it's crazy time
Here's why
[Chorus:]
Because I'm Hamlet
Cry along if you feel you're a rogue and peasant slave
Because I'm Hamlet
Mope along if you're weeping unmanly tears at dad's grave
Because I'm Hamlet
Sob along if you know that your uncle's an errant knave
Because I'm Hamlet
Stab along if you feel like revenge on him's what you crave (oops, Polonius)
{Weep Moan Sigh}
[Bridge:]
(Hamlet)
Bring me down
This prison
Brings me down
I need a good cry
Bring me down
only fencing
Brings me down
Saith I (let me monologue)
Bring me down
all this incest
Brings me down
I need a good cry
Bring me down
bare bodkins
Bring me down
Saith I
[Chorus:]
Because I'm Hamlet
Cry along if you feel that your future's looking grim
Because I'm Hamlet
Mope along if your dad's always harping on avenging him
Because I'm Hamlet
Sob along if Ophelia is going for a swim
Because I'm Hamlet
Sob along if you feel your survival in this play is slim
[Chorus:]
Because I'm Hamlet
Cry along if you feel you have within what passeth show
Because I'm Hamlet
Mope along if you're wearing the trapping and suits of woe
Because I'm Hamlet
Sob along if tragedy is all that you will ever know
Because I'm Hamlet
Die along and tell Fortinbras to take Denmark, Horatio
{Mope Sigh Sob}
(Hamlet) [repeats]
Bring me down... can't nothing...
Bring me down... I need a good cry...
Bring me down... poisoned foils...
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)
[Chorus x2]
{The Rest is Silence}
Villain Quiz
Iago is:
A. Honest
B. Really just needs a hug
C. Stealing your wife’s handkerchief
D. Not what he is
E. Smirking behind you
Who would you choose to help your aging mother across a busy street?
A. Richard III
B. Claudius
C. Falstaff
D. Can I just keep her in the house instead?
E. At least Falstaff will make her happy…
Villains are _____________.
A. Cuddly like unicorns
B. Trophy heads on the wall of my study
C. Lecherous
D. Chatting up your lady. See to it, friend.
My Uncle is___________.
A. Sleeping with my mother.
B. Offering me a drink during fencing. Who does that?!
C. Still alive. Why me?
D. A mildewed ear
E. All of the above.
The best way to dispatch a villain is:
A. Stabbing.
B. Stabbing then poisoning.
C. Stabbing, poisoning, then hacking off limbs.
D. All of the previous answers, plus setting the mongrel cur ablaze.
E. At what point does this all constitute the abuse of a corpse?
F. Casting them in a Shakespeare play and let Will deal with the mess.
If Richard III was stalking after a widow at roughly 3 mph, and Claudius was quaffing Rhenish at approximately 2 bottles per half hour, what would be the body count in 5 acts?
A. Really? Math? Sigh.
B. Shh…I’m sharpening my sword
C. Hold on, I need a graphing calculator.
D. I can’t do this right now, I just watched Titus Andronicus and I’m horribly depressed.
A telltale sign of a villain is:
A. A mustache & pointy beard
B. A pile of hapless victims
C. A subscription of “Poisons for Men” in the upstairs loo
D. Bloodcurdling screams
E. An overabundance of daggers in with the good silver.
Please pass your tests up to the front when finished. Thank you.