Pre Show Interview with Crucial Agony

LP: Hey gang.

Bhayne: Hello.

Malady: (grunt)

LP: Thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule to do this interview, by the way.

Catastrophe: We're happy to do so. It keeps us from beating the crap out of each other with croquet mallets.

M: That's a problem exclusive mostly to Bhayne and Dialysis.

Dialysis: Hey, he started it. He didn't have to whack me with the mallet
after I clonked him in the kneecapswith the ironing board.

LP: So, this is your first full US tour, correct?

InAbsentia: Oh, like that's where we are? Wow. It looks so much like Canada.

B: Yes. Finally we are roaming the vast wastelands in support of our Narcoleprosy album.

LP: How has the tour gone so far?

B: I'd say it has gone well. The crowds are very energetic.
I thought they'd never get tired of lobbing rotten pastries at us.

M: Some of the crowds were rough though, especially early on. Things were much easier after everyone's
arms were duct taped to their sides. And the cracks sealed up with tar.

LP: What's it like opening for ASOCK and BVD Nation?

D: The smell is horrible.

M: I can't tell after I've been whiffing Vicks-Vapo Rub for 9 hours on the tour bus.

LP: The smell?

D: We're stuck with a bunch of dudes who spend their life around parts that no one really wants to touch, I
mean, geez. Who the hell would want to be a groupie for those guys, knowing where they've been.

I: You mean like, New Jersey?

D: (grumbling)

B: We can't really be compared with either band...they are more of the EBM genre and we
are a bit more on the goth side. Except when we sound more industrial. Or electro.

C: They've been good blokes though, BVD has anyhow. They didn't set the merch on fire or
chew on the wires of our equipment the way it was rumored they'd do.

LP: So, you said you're touring in support of your newest album?

B: Precisely. After several agonizing years of atari games and donut hole consumption, we have surfaced
again with another album of dark melodies and pulsating dance rhythms.

D: Dude, Atari? You still have one of those things?

B: Well, I did until I found some slices of bread jammed into the cartridge slot.

I: I totally wondered why the toast never popped up!

B: Anyway, Narcoleprosy is the culmination of our many years of astute procrastination,
and is aptly named, being a kind of sleep inducing decay.

LP: What would you say is the theme, or "flavor" of the new album?

I: Butterscotch!

M: Shut up.

I: Like, Malady, you don't even know. You haven't licked it.

B: The new album has a kind of darkness...and drama that was only hinted at in our first release. We've
expanded the theme of suffering, and the added expertise and instrumentation from Catastrophe and
Dialysis has made us more well rounded overall. Malady has also been creatively experimenting with her
instrumentation.

M: I play my 3 string with a spork now, and I also play percussive bagpipes.

LP: Percussive bagpipes?

M: Since Dialysis took over on drums, I only do a little custom percussion.
I inflate the bagpipes, and then beat them over his head.

LP: How is the stage show as compared to the smaller tours?

B: Well, we've got a full house here with Catastophe and Dialysis. Catastophe does some very aggressive
upsidedown bass playing, and has been known to throw herself into the audience. Dialysis has a new rig for
his theatrical torture stunts....

D: I have these cables wired up across the stage to make this thing we call the pickle spanking machine.
I'm hooked into a harness that still lets me play the drums while the cables run these pickles along them at
something like 90mph, and they all smack me in the ass.

B: It also adds another layer to the percussive mix.

I: And we always have something to eat with our sandwiches after the show!

LP: InAbsentia, I hear that you have some new task on your musical agenda during the show as well.

I: Yeah? Oh, yeah. Totally. I get to turn the keyboard on myself!

B: We hope to teach her how to plug in the sampler without getting electricuted by the end of this tour.

D: Oh...so that wasn't really part of the light rig then. Heh. Sure was sparkly.

LP: How has the dynamic of the band changed with the loss of the other founding members...Vertiginy, and
Jon? And Perish?

B: Well, we've actually maintained our musical integrity for the most part. Perhaps we lean a bit
less towards darkwave now, and there is far less bleeding, and chaos, and....stale waffles....

M: I miss them. The waffles I mean.

B: Perish's disappearance was somewhat of a shock, but as she was more of a show person
than a musician, it didn't really impact our musicality.

LP: So, what songs have been in your tour playlist?

B: Oh, the old favorites: Gothic Redneck, Coffeehouse Vampire, My Paine, etc.

M: I play a track from my upcoming solo project during the encore...it's called Bitterly Agitated. I drop
wads of raw meat into a blender and hurl the sludge at the audience while I sing.

B: Yes, we're definitely making steps into the realm of performance art with Malady's work. We're also playing a couple new unrecorded tracks. One is called My Girlfriend is a Pirate, and the other is a song originally written by Catastrophe called Meat Obsession.

C: I wrote it back in my days as a minstrel at the Piggly Wiggly.

LP: What kind of cool stuff do you have for sale at the merch booth on this tour?

B: We have all of our discs available...

I: and stickers and posters.

D: Malady and I came up with the idea of autographed manhole covers.
We've been stealing them from our stops along the way.

C: I made some special logo necklaces made out of forks to sell, but we're out already.

B: We also have some new T shirts that the band designed themselves...each one of us spent time coming
up with the concepts and graphics.

LP: What has been the most memorable part of the tour so far?

M: The part when Dialysis was trying to hit on the amish chicks.

D: Hey, they were wearing black. That made them fair game.

B: I thought our show at the Chicken Watering Festival went over very well. The crowd was really into our set.

C: I liked getting to see different places in the country, and collecting plastic cups from all the Mc
Donalds at rest stops.

I: I totally hate rest stops. I always get SO lost in the bathrooms.

LP: How are you guys getting along on the long drives?
It's gotta be close quarters in the tour buses.

B: We've had a few spats here and there...

M: Dialysis drank all the shampoo one morning. I was ready to kill him.

D: What? The strawberry stuff was shampoo? Damn. No wonder it tasted so crappy in milk.

C: I woke up surrounded by drunk socks one morning.

D: Groupie.

C: Cut your nattering, else you'll get a cheese grater up your arse.

I: I like going for rides!

M: She's put her head out the window twice, with her tongue sticking out like a dog.
I glued the windows shut with caulk after that.

LP: Well, it time for sound check I see. Thanks again guys for your time.

B: Sure, anytime. May your days be filled with dark tears and forlorn memories.

I: Ya!

C: Cool.

D: uhhuh.

M: Dialysis stop hogging the cloves already. Bastard.