Gothic Redneck

Ah used to be a country boy,
But ah've since changed ma tune.
'Stead of shuckin' corn cobs,
Ah am howlin' at the moon.
Ah only wear black vinyl chaps while drivin ma snowplow.
Well gosh n' golly gee-whiz.Ahm a Gothic Redneck now.

Ah think granma is jealous
Cuz ah look better in her dress.
And ma pop tab nipple piercings
Always leave the gals impressed.
But ma eyeliner gets smeared when ahm brawling at the bar,
And runnin' in ma platforms really doesn't get me far.

Ah wear my pitbull's leash and collar
While the doggie's still attached.
The henhouse is now painted black,
And the chickens dyed to match.
Now ah only screw the black sheep in ma leather studded thong.
Ah go cow tipping in velvet and ah've grown ma hair reeeel long.

Lemme tell ya....Nobody knows ma pain.
Ma wife left me,
Ma dog left me,
Ma truck got set on fire
And blew up in that
Ritual sacrifice to Elvis.
Ma heart is heavy with sorrow...
Squashed like a hay bale
Under the butt of ma 400 pound cousin ED.
Ma soul bleeds...
It bleeds like a possum
Tangled in barbed wire.
Sometimes... ah wish ah was dead. Like Bela Lugosi.
But...then ah'd miss the Monster Truck Rally On Sundays.
Why? Why ME? Dag- Nab -it!
Somebody get me a cigarette!

Ma Honey flogs me with a whip
When ah ask her for a beer.
Then ah say "Shut them dang kids up!
Ahm readin' Tarot cards in here!"
Black leather couch's on ma porch and goats out in the back.
Yep, ahm a Gothic redneck. Now ma overalls er black.

Skulls are painted on ma tractor.
Plastic bats are on ma lawn.
My gunrack's in a coffin.
I go huntin' skunks 'til dawn.
Ahm tryin' to put these fangs in but ah really ain't sure how.
Spank ma butt and call me Lestat, Ahm a Gothic Redneck now.